you give me something

you give me something


You only stay with me in the morning
You only hold me when I sleep
I was meant to tread the water
But now I've gotten in too deep

For every piece of me that wants you
Another piece backs away

You give me something
That makes me scared alright
This could be nothing
But I'm willing to give it a try
Please give me something
Because someday I might know my heart

You only waited up for hours
Just to spend a little time alone with me
And I can say I've never bought you flowers
I can't work out what they mean

I never thought that I'd love someone
That was someone else's dream

You give me something
That makes me scared alright
This could be nothing
But I'm willing to give it a try
Please give me something
Because someday I might call you from my heart

But it might be a second too late
And the words that I could never say
Are gonna come out anyway

You give me something
That makes me scared alright
This could be nothing
But I'm willing to give it a try
Please give me something
You give me something
That makes me scared alright
This could be nothing
But I'm willing to give it a try
Please give me something
Because someday I might know my heart

Know my heart, know my heart, know my heart

off to hiatus :)

I will be leaving tomorrow for zamboanga for my mom's birthday...will finally be able to leave work for a week! aaaahhhh! heaven! but before doing so, i have to work my ass off because i will need to fit my week-worth of audits in just 2 days! i hate this. when i was an agent i can just go on leave without having to worry about work...the worst thing about this is that i AM technically still an agent....well atleast my salary is. konti na lang at talagang ititigil ko na tong katangahang to.

it's 3:30 am and i just woke up. i slept around 6pm and not planning to wake up till 6am, but i've been forcing myself to sleep since around 10pm resulting to "daydreams" instead of the usual "unplanned" dreams. i'm sure i'm not making any sense. hay. i just wish those "daydreams" are real...and i wish he'll finally come around and make things clear because right now, i just can't read him...and it's obviously bugging me too much.

back :)

wow almost a month since my last post. just got off from a chat with Kring. she was asking how the office is doing.told her she'd probably be alienated the next time she visits coz a lot of people that she knows have left.hay, sad. I sometimes scan the floor and i realize that everything has changed.
Jelson's gone. Even Angelo's gone. Kung kelan naman na kasundo ko na sya, saka naman sya nawala :( so now we have to adjust with a new OM again...and make that 2 OMs. There are loads of new faces... it just isn't as fun. I can't blame those who are leaving coz they have every reason to... guess i just have to be content with those who are still here. I'm hoping my friends wouldn't leave yet though....atleast not while i'm still here :)

Team Manclemster is now non-existent, but we're still friends....and they still can't seem to accept the fact that they now have a new TM hahaha! sad thing is, we don't get to talk to Clem as often...actually lately hindi na talaga....kaka-miss :(
But i still go out with the kids, breakfast and all...masaya pa rin naman :)

i hate the world today!

today's just too much. it's amazing i lasted without crying profusely or breaking something or hurting myself even. work does have its perks aside from the money.

today's Jelson's last day at work. i have been putting this aside for weeks. last saturday i was lying on my bed thinking about today and i ended up crying (again!). i realized how difficult it would be to come to the office and not finding him on his station along with his yellow mug, red jacket, chinese calendar, and the little red notebook that he always carries with him. The mere sight of him makes me smile and brings me relief coz i know that i can always run to him when shit happens with whatever. He's the only one who genuinely understands my family-related dilemmas. Jelson and I have gone through so much that the pain of seeing him leave is just so overwhelming......tangina daig ko pa ang namatayan coz i cry every time i think about it. Up until kanina i still refuse to talk about it coz i know i'd break down that's why i asked him to just leave, but before he did, he had to pass by my station pa to say goodbye and then he cried...tangina di rin marunong umintindi eh haha!And Paris was like autistic the whole day. isa pang in-denial hmp!

the TRIO

is now just a DUO :(

Angel said i shouldn't be sad coz atleast i know where to find Jelson when i need him. But it still won't be the same. He'll find new friends in his new workplace, a new bestfriend even. But i'm confident naman that our friendship isn't bounded within the four corners of the office. I'm sure we'd still go out during the weekends and he'll still be late for hours or worse, he wouldn't show up haha! He will still invite me to watch movies which only he appreciates and ask me to go to all sorts of gay clubs with him and i'd ofcourse, refuse. I know he'd still let me know about his one-week love affairs and say that he's found the one. I know I'd rant to him about stuffs at work and he'd ask me to leave and finish my Master's hahaha! There, now i feel better.


It's also Clem's last day with the team. The team is officially Joan's beginning today. Clem said he wouldn't say goodbye anymore as he won't be leaving the floor anyway, which is true so it wouldn't be as painful as Jelson's departure, but like i said, the team's name will have to be changed now that he's gone. How can you even call it Manclemster without Clem di ba? it doesn't make any sense. But again, it still wouldn't be the same as he's gonna be transferred to a different department. It's a completely different world with completely different people. He won't be around during calibrations so it wouldn't be as fun. Basta, ibang-iba na talaga.....I just pity Angel coz Dan will also start mentoring today....it's just gonna be so difficult for her without me, Dan and Clem.My God, if i were in her shoes, i'd probably have resigned with Jelson na rin....and so i understand if she wants to leave as well, but i hope she wouldn't coz i can't take that pa.

Now that i think about it, I think this promotion was purposely given by God to prepare me for all these coz He knows i wouldn't stay if he'd not given me a reason to. He purposely found a way to detach me from the team and from the people that are important to me to "prepare" me i guess. See, things do happen for a reason talaga....and with that, i know i can survive this, ako pa?!

Super Post-Father's Day Post

Diding and I went out to watch Hancock kanina.The movie was cool. After the movie we had dinner and talked about Diding's dad who recently passed away. The first time i heard about it I imagined how painful it must've been for her being a Daddy's girl. The things that she shared to me today made me realize a lot of things, first of which is yes, appreciate your parents while they're still here for you'll never know when they'd be gone for good.


I was never a Daddy's girl. I can't even believe that i had so many pictures with my Dad when i was young. For some reason, my Dad and I have grown apart while i was growing up. I was always jealous of my friends who can talk to their Dads like they were friends. My Dad and i had always been "civil" to each other as far as i can remember. Apart from scolding us of something that we did wrong, he never talked to us to ask how school went or how our day had been. He just....didn't talk. I even used to envy our Cat coz atleast he talks to her when she comes home from wherever...seriously! I used to tell my Mom that my Dad had always been a very good provider, but was never a father to us.


Until this day i still can't explain why my Dad is the way that he is but ironically, i learned to appreciate him when i left home. Perhaps one of the reasons why is that i realized how difficult it must've been for him to feed a family of six with the crumb of salary that he gets as a government employee. Weird enough, we started to actually "talk" when i left home. I've always felt that he was so strict, stiff and serious with everything, but i realize that he's just doing that to make sure that we'd grow up disciplined and responsible. One of the most important things that i learned from him is that I have to be responsible for all my actions and that i should never rely on anyone but myself. I guess that's the reason why i've always been headstrong and independent.


I now turn to my Dad to ask for advices when i need help with my decisions. I remember calling him once when i had a problem and i felt better after talking to him not because he comforted me but because he made me realize that giving up wasn't me. I know that he allowed me to leave home because he trusts me and he knows that I can make it on my own. He never said it but i know that he's always been proud of me. I remember he sent me a note one day. It was just a piece of paper and he wrote something like "thank you very much!God bless you!keep up the good work!"...call me corny but that brought me to tears because for the first time ever, i felt that i was making him proud.... and i've kept that note till this day.


so yun lang....nag-eemote lang ako ;p




p.s.

sa mga nagbabasa ng blog ko jan na iniisip na may boyfriend ako, sorry but WALA TALAGA!pakana lang ni Migs yan!hahaha! kitakits sa August guys!miss na miss ko na kayo!

when it rains, it pours

today, after a very long time, i cried....and when i did, i found it difficult to stop. see, that's the problem with me.I rarely cry, but when i do, they surely come in buckets.

those tears probably were 3 weeks worth that's why i shed so much. i guess my frustration, plus stress and hormones triggered it.

or maybe it's because i really miss the people that i work with everyday. yes, i do see them everyday, but it still isn't the same. i just don't feel the sadness that much because of the workload.

or maybe it's because i feel like i'm not gaining anything good from what i do. my status is still unclear. i don't have my own station. i still feel like a third wheel...well, i AM still a third wheel.

or maybe because i'm losing a very close friend and i AM affected and i hadn't realized it till now.

or maybe because i don't really know where my life's heading.

i still can't make my own decision. i still allow people to take the wheel instead of me driving so my life's course isn't going to where i plan.

or again, maybe it really is just the hormones.

ohwell....that's water under the bridge now.


p.s.

my new boss is cool. looks like a nerd, acts like a psycho most of the times, but he's ok. he said he's hoping that i'd like him as much as i like Clem. sabi ko "hindi ako pinaiyak ni Clem.ikaw di pa kita love pinaiiyak mo na ako" hahaha!

this is getting to be more and more interesting.....

i just received a text from Joy. she said they had a meeting with EJ earlier and EJ asked me to handle Clem's team beginning sunday so that i can motivate them daw. Also, he wanted me to print all calls that i've rated as Strong and Very Strong.

ok....the motivation part i can understand. I myself will be motivated to work if i'm gonna audit my team. I even told Angel last night that it'll be better if i'm gonna audit them so i can help them.. the thing is....that could either make or break us, if you know what i mean. but i'm actually happy with this latest development coz it'll be just like being part of the team again....except that i'm doing the audits instead :)

what i can't understand though was why i had to print the good calls. i'm not sure whether they want to test my judgment or if they want to know what makes a good call.or maybe they just want to see if i'm gonna be biased or something. shet, now that i think about it, this IS gonna be hard.

hay...i wish i was there during the meeting so i don't have to come up with all these speculations.

like i said...this is getting to be more and more interesting...

second thoughts.....

i attended our team's weekly meeting yesterday and i was actually touched when my team mates told me that the team isn't the same without me. ako lang daw kasi ang maingay sa team hahaha!hayyy...if they only knew...if they're saddened by my absence, ano pa kaya ako?!i just don't feel it when i'm in the office because of the workload. Iba pa rin yung kwentuhan at the start of the shift dahil madalang pa ang calls...yung barkada lunch...lalo na yung bonding after shift over breakfast.

when you're an agent, your work starts the moment you hit the "auto-in" button and ends the moment you log out. when you're working for the ops, your work starts 2 hours parior to wyour shift and ends 3 hours after. Joy and Jaja said i don't have to work that hard yet coz i'm just starting. kaya lang that's how i work eh...OC kung OC but that's just how i am.

the bad thing about this is my friends somehow got really affected especially Jelson. He didn't even come to work yesterday. He's been acting weird the whole week. I know that he's sad about me leaving the team but i didn't realize na ganun na pala yun....Paris said Jelson needs me right now because of his father being sick.People have noticed that he's not himself recently and his calls are getting affected. Hell, even the clients have noticed coz they know him. And then i suddenly left the team so he got even more demotivated.

I seriously don't know what to do. I'll give this "new" job a try. I've always told Angel and Dan that with work, my philosophy is i have to be HAPPY coz i am my best when i'm happy, and when i'm not...i leave.

Angel asked me last night kung saan ako magiging masaya. To be honest, i was really happy with the team. i don't even consider coming to work as "work" if you know what i mean coz i was having fun. I love my team mates and working for and with them already gives me the sense of purpose that i need. I never wanted to build a career in the call center industry coz i've always wanted to go back to teaching. But the thing is, i'm also liking what i'm doing right now coz it's something different and it's pretty challenging which is what i need din.

yesterday Clem showed us a video entitled "FISH"...twas about having fun and being happy at work. I txtd him just now...sabi ko "sana di ko na lang pinanood ang video"...ang reply sa'kin ay "at baket?"....sabi ko na nga ba eh...

again, i'll give this thing a shot. and if by the end of the week i still feel the same then that's it....they can give it to somebody else :)


p.s.

potah birthday pala ni Elton ngaun and it's 12:14am already and ngaun ko lang naalala!

second day galore

so kelangan everyday may update ako anoh?hehe...pampatanggal lang ng stress :)

second day was definitely better. i'm definitely getting the hang of it. i've finished my 10 audits a but quicker than yesterday i think and i've made some coaching logs already. I've managed to write down call observations as well and emailed my reports to Papi and the bosses. Ofcourse i worked from 4pm till 5am again.hay....the good thing about it though is that nakapagpalibre ako ng breakfast kay Allan hehehe!

We'll have an internal calibration later...i joined a calibration previously but i was still an agent back then so i had an excuse to mess up....now i don't anymore. There's still a lot of things that i need to learn and i don't really trust my judgment yet so goodluck mamaya. I'm dreading the external calibration as that'll involve the clients and feeling ko eh dudugo ilong ko!SHET!

p.s.

the manclemster bay was DEAD kanina.my team mates were seated so far apart from each other like they don't know each other and they were SOOOOOO quiet! I don't know if it's because Dan, Angel and I weren't there (Dan's on leave and it was Angel's off) but i'm seriously worried. I'm really not happy leaving the team behind. I miss my team mates...namimiss ko na kulitan namin with Clem. If only i could do my audits on the same bay, much less on the same FLOOR! haaaay...the team seriously needs a team building ASAP!

First Day Stress

It's my first day as a temporary QA and what an interesting day it has been. I came in at 2:30pm and went home at 4am.How's that for the first day huh? I was asked to audit 10 calls today. You might think that will only take around 2 hours at the most to do that but no, because not only do we audit but we need to track a LOT of things as well. Ofcourse we had to make sure that each call is being rated properly as we're dealing not only with the agents' stats but their incentives as well.....that's money.
And so i had to pull up each account and consult things with Joy and Jaja since they knew best.

The thing that made this day reaaaalllly long were the meetings.My God they take hours and hours which we could've used to audit agents instead. But it was interesting though.A lot of issues had to be raised especially with the Quality team. The SOM urged the Quality Team to work as a team and to settle their differences already. I was ofcourse just a spectator on those meetings and it were really awkward :)

Anyways, so i met my quota. I finished my 10 audits...and the result? 2 ARs, 2 ACEs and 2 Incons. How's that for my first day huh? I swear, Papi's gonna delete my name from his friendster account na hahaha! And when i textd Clem about it, here's what he said:

"suportahan kita jan...keep it up!" hahaha! ang bad talaga nun!

I went to Angel's and Jelson's place after my shift coz everyone was there.And ofcourse, when i got there, wala nang pagkain! at siyempre binanatan na nila ako ng linya ni Jelson na "kinain ka na ng propesyon mo!" hay...

so today is the second day.i'll be in at 4pm and i'm still up! And dahil sa katoxican ko, i took the wrong jeepney on the way home! hmp, buti na lang may daanan sa likod ng street namin.Na-realize ko lang na maling jeep pala sinakyan ko nang tinanong ako ng kunduktor kung sa market-market ako bababa.mygulay!